What gratitude actually looks like

Every time you hear about someone's peaceful journey to success, you're going to hear about gratitude.

You'll hear about waking up every day and being grateful for what you have. About a gratitude practice.

I'm not here to poo-poo that. I think it's important. I write about it once in a while.

You didn't get to where you are by yourself. The good things in your life, the bad things in your life, they all led you to today, and you had help the whole way.

If you're reading this, you're on the right side of the pavement. On top of the grass. Not among the dead. There's a thing to be grateful for. Also, you have Internet access, or a friend good enough to print this out for you. And you can read (or you have a screen reader, which means you can hear).

You're doing OK for yourself. That's all I'm saying. You may have some unhappy stuff going on in your life but hey, it's all a matter of perspective.

For as much as you say thank you to the universe, how often do you say thank you in real life? I've been fortunate enough to say thank you plenty, and to have people say thank you, even unexpectedly.

Here's a public thank you fest that happened recently; I'm going to assume it's among strangers, though I suppose I don't have any reason to believe Kotler and Sukel don't know each other:

So say thank you to people for the things you're thankful for. It's definitely a thing worth doing. And clearly people appreciate it. You can't beat that for value for your dollar (or effort).

Listen to "Episode 24: Let's Talk Gratitude" on Spreaker.

Josh: The Podcast, Episode 39: Ethics, facts, nuance and where we need to get

Hoo, son, we get rambling about ethics, nuance, context, gun laws and empathy. Just listen!

Links
Connect: Blog | Twitter | Facebook | LinkedIn | Instagram
#NotJustWords
Nuance and 9 other terms to define us
Thinking opposite with Alison Donaghey
Context matters
Office of Congressional Ethics
House GOP drops ethics changes

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Nuance, context, facts, culture: 10 terms to (hope to) define America and Americans as we move forward

I've been thinking of the best ways to enunciate the fears I feel, and that others I speak to feel, under the coming Trump presidency. We've been having this tribe problem on social media, so let me offer a longer look, one that hopefully brings people who disagree together in discussion.

Note that my purpose here is not to change anybody's mind about your political party or candidate. It's to remind you that we're on the same team. As Americans, we have three different ideals we're working with. Let's oversimplify a little so that we can understand them but then get to the real point.

(1) Bootstrapping and the American dream. Think of everything you learned in school growing up, and everything you ever saw on film about immigration. From the California Gold Rush of the 1840s to the Mousekowitz family in "An American Tail," America has been sold as a place where, if you're willing to to the work, you can do anything and be anything. It turns out we have some systemic issues that don't allow for that.

(2) 40 acres & a mule / A chicken in every pot & a car in every garage. "Forty acres and a mule" was actually meant to be reparations for slavery, and was repealed very quickly after Lincoln's death. The point really isn't a "handout," it's a dream of property ownership for everyone. Hoover's 1928 campaign slogan, on the other hand, hints at a prosperity that many families have never been able to realize.

(3) A melting pot / A salad bowl. When I was in school, we started to change the language of America as "a melting pot" — a place where people of different backgrounds came together to create a new, American culture — to that of "a salad bowl" — a place where people of different backgrounds mixed with each other but kept their identities. It turns out lettuce and carrots and celery and tomatoes sometimes have a problem living and working together.

The common element running through all of these promises is that they're for everybody. But they're not. There are some things some people simply cannot do because the systems we have in place work against them.

With that behind us, I propose en emphasis on these ten terms as we move forward and live — and hopefully grow — together. If you feel like you "won" with this election, you should read this to learn about others around you. If you feel like you "lost" with this election, you should read this to learn about others around you. If you've moved beyond winning and losing, awesome! This can help inform your conversations with people who have not.

Nuance. The biggest thing we've lost in the social media world is a sense of nuance. Posts are by and large black and white and lead to shouting rather than nuanced discussions. It bleeds into real life, too, and it's one of the reasons we have such large swings in who's leading Congress every few years: we get too caught up in rhetoric that we forget that things aren't all or nothing.

People rarely change their minds over the course of debate, but nuanced discussions can help people see the other side and to give some ground here and there, to make compromises. Let's think of some examples.

Want to know why people really voted for Trump? Stop stamping "racist" and "sexist" on their foreheads. Ask about jobs and faith. Want to know why people are really afraid under Trump? Ask, then actually listen.

Want to have an honest discussion about gun control? Talk about mental health, criminal history and multi-state licensure. And don't forget keeping firearms out of toddlers' hands.

Context. I've written about context recently. It's important because we don't live in a vacuum. Every experience we have contributes to the lens through which we see the world and colors our interactions.

History also provides context.

Empathy. While it's true that we do live in a bootstrapping, reward-the-lone-wolf-hero society, we don't even have a society without empathy. We have to care for others, understand and respect where they're coming from and fight for people who don't have a voice. It's actually one of the things that got America to the top. People came here from England to find some religious freedom and we wrote it into the Bill of Rights. When the French sent us the Statue of Liberty, we inscribed on her:

... "Keep ancient lands, your storied pomp!" cries she
With silent lips. "Give me your tired, your poor
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me ..."

We're not going to make it if we throw these very people back.

Culture. I had a very brief conversation with my grad school advisor about culture. She thought she didn't have any. But here's the truth: Being a member of the dominant culture doesn't mean you don't have a culture.

Here is where I, and other #NeverTrump folks, need to understand something: White working-class (primarily) Christians in middle America are concerned that their culture is in trouble. Empathy works both ways — we want people to understand that just about every Muslim in America just wants to go to school and work and worship like just about every Jew in America does and just about every Christian in America does, we also have to understand that if people in the dominant culture feel their culture is threatened, it's the same feeling every member of a minority culture feels when they're threatened.

The dominant culture isn't bad, it's just invisible as a culture because it's dominant.

Facts. It worries me that, in 2017, with America well behind the pack in STEM education across the world, we are falling even more into a post-fact society. When political and religious dogma are the basis for arguments instead of facts, we're throwing out the baby with the bath water.

Michael Shermer proposes methods for discussion when facts don't help, but it's where I just walk away. You want to know why Kobe Bryant went to Germany a few years ago to rebuild his knees? It's because under the George W. Bush administration, we decided that we shouldn't harvest stem cells and store them and do research because we were worried people would get abortions and sell stem cells from their unborn fetuses. Remember that? Meanwhile, plenty of other countries moved forward with their research, didn't see an uptick in abortions, and are way ahead of us.

Abortion arguments are another one. It turns out we don't have significantly more abortions when abortion is legal. What we do have, though, is fewer women dying from botched abortions because the procedures are safe and performed by doctors. If you're "pro-life," you should be in favor of the lives of adults, too, not just unborn children.

The scientific community isn't split on global warming, but somehow politicians are.

More than half of Republicans think Donald Trump won the popular vote. Their source? Donald Trump. His source? Donald Trump. The popular vote was 64.1 million for Clinton, 62.2 million for Trump. The source? The people who count the actual votes. That doesn't mean the electoral vote is invalid, it just means Donald Trump didn't win the popular vote. Why is that even a discussion? Because political dogma is more important than facts to some people.

If you want to see someone go off the deep end on this, listen to Joe Rogan torture paleontologist Trevor Valle with an anti-dinosaur video.

Safety. I'm not talking about so-called "safe spaces" where people go to be alone or get counseling if they feel uncomfortable because someone disagrees with them. I'm betting that happens less than we think and that we're blowing a lot of it out of proportion. I'm talking about physical safety. If you show up somewhere in a Klan hood or call someone an "oven-dodger" they're going to assume you mean to kill them. You don't need to love everybody, but you do have to live alongside them.

Civility. "Political correctness," I've come to believe, is a term used primarily when someone is too lazy — or too rude — to be civil to others. The answer is yes, you should go out of your way to be polite to people. Didn't your mother ever teach you any manners?

Trust. So if facts don't matter and people are unwilling to be civil and lots of us feel unsafe, whom do we trust? I'm actually not sure. If you're willing to cite political or religious dogma in a factual argument, or you're not willing to be polite to someone just because you're lazy, I don't know if I can trust your word.

Echo chambers. Do me a favor. Hop on over to Facebook and scroll through your feed. Of the first 15 or so status updates, how many do you disagree with? If the answer is more than zero, you're in a minority. If your answer is more than one, you're in a tiny minority. Over on Twitter, it might be slightly higher (that's because follow relationships aren't mutual), but not a lot.

If one of the great possibilities of the internet was that we'd get to hear a wide variety of viewpoints, one of our great failings as humans is that we've actively sought to shut them out. It should be the other way 'round.

Silos. Even within our echo chambers, we are in what some call silos. That is, we may have our political leanings, but other people with those same political leanings have entirely different reasons for having those leanings than we do — and they are also not in our timelines. We've actually managed to segregate ourselves not only from diverse opinions but also from those that are close parallels.

We need to bust out of these echo chambers and silos and actually get out and speak with each other. And we need to do it civilly, with empathy and having some context.

For more on how to do that, you might also want to go back and listen to my podcast with Alison Donaghy.

See ya, 2016, you weird year, you. A right guid-willy waught for 2017!

Lemmy checked out at the end of 2015 after a short and almost entirely unpublicized bout with cancer. He may have foreseen something that was coming in 2016.

We opened the year saying goodbye to David Bowie and closed the year electing a reality TV star president.

We also said goodbye to the likes of Abe Vigoda and John Glenn and Umberto Eco and Harper Lee and Alan Rickman and Antonin Scalia and Nancy Reagan and Morley Safer and Garry Shandling and Merle Haggard and Prince and Muhammad Ali and Elie Wiesel and Zsa Zsa Gabor and George Michael and Fyvush Finkel and Alan Thicke and Garry Marshall and Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds and Edward Albee and Glenn Frey and Leonard Cohen and Gene Wilder and Leon Russell and Gwen Ifill and Florence Henderson and Fidel Castro.

It was like The Great Hand-off. So many people who shaped news, entertainment and politics for the past 40-plus years are gone. They left it for us to figure it out. I don't have a lot of hope, but am hoping to be proven wrong on that.

We also said goodbye to too many people shot by toddlers, because the "gun rights" people and the "gun control" people are too stubborn to talk to each other about gun safety.

We started with white guys with guns taking over a remote wildlife reserve and ended with people coming together to try to save a Native community while getting fire-hosed in freezing temperatures.

We learned nothing about police-community relations.

Zika was a thing for a minute. And that's a scary thing that gives babies tiny heads. Remember Zika? Yeah, that was this year, and you totally didn't even think about it when you thought of 2016.

It was a crazy year for me. I started a podcast, then started another podcast, then ran a thousand miles. I got laid off and un-laid off.

Some of my favorite posts from the year (read: these took a lot of work and I haven't linked to them yet):

Lessons in leadership from Jocko Willink: Extreme Ownership and beyond
Election reform and the evolving myth of Two Americas (hint: there aren't just two)
What's the way out? Research in media, racism and lobotomies
The truth about media bias and what you should consider when listening to criticism of media
Unbiased vs. objective: The real role of media

What's ahead for 2017

I'm a little afraid for the world right now. I fear empowered white nationalists following both a Brexit vote and a Trump election. I fear we don't understand context and that our memories are too short. I fear that we're choosing teams, protecting our tribes and forgetting that we're one species.

But I'm also optimistic. People have a good habit of surprising me sometimes. So, here's to 2017.

Josh: The Podcast, BONUS! Getting silly with Jenny Shear and Kelvin Ringold

krWe had a last-minute cancellation and were already set up to podcast, so my lovely wife and I decided to open a beer and call Kelvin (you might remember him from Episode 5, or know him from his own podcast — Intensely Positive — or the Josh & Kelvin World Domination Podcast).

Jenny and I have a little echo (we picked up each other on our mics), so it gets a little trippy at points. Mostly we just chat. And laugh. Note: The audio was replaced at 12:15 p.m. on Dec. 31, 2016; you didn't miss anything if you had the earlier version.

13891979_825897258828_8336452270726687249_nLinks:
Shearly Organized
Intensely Positive
JKWD Podcast
Angry Orchard hard apple cider
Victory Sour Monkey
Josh: The Podcast, Episode 5 with Kelvin
Vitamin K Daily

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Josh: The Podcast, Episode 38: Chris Malone returns to talk the future of news media

We did it, folks! We elected a reality TV star to the presidency — a reality TV star who hates the news media, isn't a fan of facts, and brings a litany of followers who don't really care about either of those things. We talk about what it means to be a journalist in this environment, and what it means to be a news consumer.

We wandered through a whole bunch of other stuff, too. We'll keep the links brief for this one, though, since most of the links would be a repeat from our previous discussion (you'll find a link to that one below).

Links
Episode 22 with Chris Malone
Knob Creek bourbon
Larceny bourbon
Moon River's Dixie Kristal 2016
Moon River's actual website

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Stop cursing 2016 and go make something great

I see a lot of people on social media cursing 2016 for taking some of our greatest creative minds. A lot of one-of-a-kinds died this year.

To name a smattering, in no particular order: David Bowie, John Glenn, Prince, Muhammad Ali, Alan Rickman, Alan Thicke, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Harper Lee, Leonard Cohen, Glenn Frey, Florence Henderson, Fidel Castro, Gene Wilder, Arnold Palmer, Gwen Ifill, Leon Russell, Janet Reno, Fyvush Finkel, Merle Haggard, Elie Wiesel, Garry Shandling ... it was a long list and then George Michael died on Christmas.

It may seem like the universe is taking something from us. It's not.

The universe is saying, "You see how much these people have done? They get to rest now. Go create something amazing for yourself."

Heed the call.

Hey, we're about to flip the calendar page. There's no reason not to go for it in 2017. Onward!

Josh: The Podcast, Episode 37: Thinking opposite with Alison Donaghey of Domino Thinking

Step into someone else's shoes and think opposite at least once a day. Alison Donaghey of Domino Thinking gets into empathy, setting a why for your business and some of her favorite tools. We talk a little bit about Canadian and American politics, charitable giving and a challenge for 2017. This was really cool. I hope you enjoy!

Links
Domino Thinking | Twitter | Facebook
My running goal, accomplished
Someone intentionally gave a pundit a seizure
3-year-old shot, killed in road rage incident
Change Your Business, Change the World (Alison's book)
Pegasus Riding Academy
Stephen Lewis Foundation
"Timeless"
Jonah Lehrer's books
Acuity
Kyle Cease
The Four-Hour Work Week by Tim Ferriss
If This Then That

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2016 Running goal: Accomplished (with tunes)

Back at the beginning of the year, I decided to set a goal to run 1,000 miles this year. At under 20 miles a week, that may not be really ambitious to some people, but you need to understand a few things about me and running.

For most of my life, I've played sprint sports, like baseball and tennis and racquetball. I'm not a power hitter, so the most I ever really had to run in baseball was 180 feet (home plate to first base to second base). A tennis court is about 39 feet from one corner of the baseline to the opposite corner at the net. Racquetball is played in a 20-by-40-foot room, and since the ball bounces off the wall, you never have to run the full diagonal.

Before I signed up for that half-marathon last year, I'd only run longer than a 5K (about 3.1 miles) a handful of times. I also turned 40 this year, and I promise I am not getting faster and more agile as I get older; nor are my knees turning back the clock.

Until I was 38, I had maybe run a 20-mile week once, ever.

So that's me and running.

Why set the goal? Well, I wanted a reason to keep running. I think it's now ingrained in me enough that I'll keep doing it as long as my body allows, but I could have easily stopped after that half marathon last year. I can't say I enjoyed much of that training at all.

My goal-crossing run Monday was different, though. Instead of holding on to some 3-hour podcast so that I'd have something to listen to, I put my trust in iTunes to shuffle my way through 11.3 miles. I may have danced a little bit. It was cold and raining, but I smiled a lot. I made sure to run by some of my favorite downtown spots, like the fountain in Forsyth Park, the armillary in Troup Square and Monterey Square.

I stopped off where my wife was working to give her a kiss.

I also wanted to see if I could set a realistic goal for a whole year. It took me 354 days to get there. It's a leap year, so that's just about 97% of the year it took me to get to 100% of my goal. I'm going to say that was exactly the right number of miles to shoot for, if you're me.

I tweaked a calf during a race earlier this year, and it's been bothering me for a while. It flared up around mile eight, but I wasn't going to let it stop me from getting to where I wanted to be. I'm sure it'll bother me for a good while, so I might be looking at bicycles and elliptical machines for a couple of weeks to get it some rest.

I'll share with you some tunes from my run, because who doesn't love a little music in their life?

1. Jane's Addiction's cover of The Grateful Dead's "Ripple" — this one got me out the door and down to the pavement.

2. Asylum Street Spankers, "Monkey Rag" — I might have been dancing up Habersham Street. OK, I totally was. Bonus, this animation is adorable.

3. Bruce Springsteen, "Thunder Road" — This came on about halfway. If you thought you saw some crazy dude grinning and saying good morning while running down West Bay Street, this was in my ears.

4. Edesio Alejandro, "El Sopon de Yuya" — Yeah, so I was doing the rumba (badly) in the bike lane. So?

5. Gooselove & Antara, "Change With Me" — You know how some artists are formative in your life for the eight months you really needed them and then they disappear, only to show up in your earholes 15 years later?

6. Willie Nile, "History 101" — This is the song that was playing when I hit my thousand-mile mark.

Honorable Mention: Ellis Hooks, "Uncomplicated" — This came on as I turned toward home. It's one of my faves, but I can't find a video, so here's an excerpt at Shazam.

OK...it's almost 2017. What are you up to for the year?

Josh: The Podcast, Episode 36: ‘People don’t control who you are,’ a conversation with Ash Said It!

ashI had a great time speaking Ash from Ash Said It. She is SO full of energy I almost grew hair! We only spoke for about a half hour, but there are enough lessons in here for a lifetime (or at least a couple years).

We discuss loss, mistakes, faith, energy, hope and creativity, and Ash offers up a challenge for you for 2017. We also talk about big news she got just a few hours before we spoke.

Links
Ash Said It! | Twitter
Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill
The Power of Broke by Daymond John
Ash on iHeartRadio

Listen to "Michelle Obama's people called #ashsaidit" on Spreaker.

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